New year...New attitude...

Well, I don't do New Year resolutions, because I resent them. Instead I want to recall all the mistakes I have done in the past and one by one, I will analyze them.

I was chatting with my friend today, and we were talking about life in general. She's also a single mother. We used to work together when we were young, and we talked about what are the things we've learned in life.

I told her, I am a complete person now compared when we were still single. I do not regret whatever happened to me in the past. I do not feel sorry for myself why my marriage failed, cos I already accepted the fact that life sucks, and I am not the only person in this world, whose in the same situation as I am.

Life goes on...but one thing I have learned in life is to love myself above everything else. Ofcourse I love my kids, but I know someday, they'll find someone else, and they'll soon leave me.

I know I cannot foretell the future, but this time, I want to be realistic and a bit more prepared of all the possibilities.

LOVE- my friend asked me about this...Am I ready to fall inlove. Falling inlove is not about being ready. If it happens, it happens, you cannot control your feelings. But I said to her, I cannot possibly give someone that unconditional love. Cos that's what hurts me the most in my previous marriage. I gave my all without expecting anything in return, just a trusting marriage that's all. But i failed.

I am not cynical. I know someday, I' will find someone who'll open my heart. But as far as I am concerned, I am quite happy the way I am right now. I already accepted the fact that life is tough, now life doesnt bother me anymore, whether it sucks or not. And if anything good comes my way? I will just consider it as a bonus.

Hardship or problems are just part of our everyday life, without them, life is just sooo boring, cos you become comfortable and just stop fighting. You wont have goals anymore.
But...problems are solved only when we devote a great deal of attention to them and in a creative way...to have a good life, it is not enough to remove what is wrong with it. We also need a positive goal, otherwise why keep going? Creativity is one answer to that question: It provides one of the most exciting models for living.

Christmas SaLe

Today I went to town with my kids, I have been convincing them to go to town since Boxing day, but they just completely hate shopping especially my son, for him, shopping is sacrilege!

Town was mobbed as usual, perhaps majority were just window shopping (like me) cos the till weren't that busy, or maybe they've done all their shopping on Boxing day.

I got my kids their own debit card from our local bank, just to teach them how to be responsible and a bit independent. They can put their pocket money there rather than carrying the cash. Today my son paid for our lunch.

I didn't go mental with my shopping today, I was fairly sensible and only buy the necessities, I got children who are growing up sooo fast, and I think they need some new pair of jeans.

I got good bargains from NEXT and just bought one top for me from Debenhams. Quite hard to look for my size, cos I am quite petite but on the other hand I can save myself a fortune, as I can go shopping for the children's section.

We took the train cos the road are still icy. We were only out for few hours cos I can hear my son complaining everytime I enter one shop and another.

We were invited for a Hogmanay party, and we are going to my inlaws on new years day. I kept intouch with my inlaws- cos they are just adorable. The kids are looking forwards to it, and so Am I.

My personality according to my Star sign.

You should know that there are two distinctive ap­proaches under my sign when I am in love with someone. The first is gentle and womanly, shy, modest and pleasantly trembly. The second is rather sticky.

This last type will use every trick of Eve to sit as close as possible to you in the booth. It can be very exciting, of course, if you really care for me... But if you're just being friendly, and I deliberately squeezes your hand or busses you on the cheek just as the girl you found at the end of the rainbow walks by, the game may lose some of its flavour.


I believe that NOBODY's perfect...I am not perfect...

Nevertheless, there are some "don'ts" to remember with hme. Sometimes I hate to be criticized, Im deeply wounded by ridicule, and just can't stand being rejected. One, two, three. They're basics. Seldom openly aggressive, sometimes hesitates.

You'll have to make the first move. I am basically shy nature and fear that I won't be accepted.

It's brutally unfair to toy with my heart because I can love, honor, obey and nag you a little with sincere devotion. Why encourage such rare love unless you mean to reciprocate with equal ardor? Remember my tenacity. You may only be flirting lightly, but you'll have a hard time calling the end of the inning. I won't hear the whistle.

I may not overwhelm your friends with my vivacity and sparkling flattery, but I won't fail to impress you with my charm. My sign says, we prefer to save our deepest emotions for people closest to us, which is true. After you've dated other girls and compared them to me? you may go running right back and beg me to hang on again. Tightly.

Why life sucks on this Festive season...

It has been 3 days after Christmas. I am still exhausted and my bank balance is sufferring too...Sale is everywhere, but I have to prioritise some bills...

As a single mother, I am not a big fan of Christmas, I know, it's for the kids, but this thing about Santa sucks big time...Children write their Christmas wish list to Santa, because they have no clue that it's their parents whose responsible for all the expenses.

You try your best to make them happy, give them what they want, trying to make up for the other things like---why their Dad is not there with you on Christmas eve, and Christmas morning...when they were used with the old tradition like-- you used to prepare all the food for Santa and Rudolf, that you have a company to help you put out all those decorations...but no! this time you're on your own..and you just have to live with it...Dont feel miserable...

No time for this, "Oh my goodness, my life sucks" and I am so lonely crap! Fuck it! It's not yet the end of the world...so just enjoy it and feel blessed that compared with other destitute family, you got a nice house and that your children are happy and healthy...


Happy Holidays!!!

The chaos of dating a single mum.

Although I have been separated for a couple of years now, I have not been into dating really. My priorities at the moment are my children. For the past few years, while I was mending a broken heart, I focus on my career and children.

I know, that keeping a lasting marriage is a hard work, and I am not blaming my husband for what happened. What happenned happens, and there's no point blaming anybody for it.

The most important thing are your children, they must not get affected. It's not their fault that you have a failed marriage.

I see a lot of messy divorce, bickering with each other, and I vowed not to be like that...I am still friends with my ex and our children knows we love them just as much...

One thing I promised myself though, is to never-ever invite a man in my house, until perhaps I am serious with the guy.

Dating is getting a bit of a hard work as a single mum. It is quite hard to balance your duty as a mother/father, work and your social life. Baby sitters cost a fortune.That is why most of the time, I have to cancel dates cos I can't find baby sitters.

SOmetimes my weekend is occuppied with house work. Catching up with the bills etc. So I really can't find my time to date. Let alone polish my nails.

I hope 2010 will be a lot easier for me, cos I bloody deserved one...

To flirt or not to flirt...

What is flirting?

Flirting is defined as the process of making playful romantic or sexual overtures. It's how we initially express a sexual or romantic interest in another person. Generally, if you are attracted to a person, you'll flirt as a way of discovering if they are attracted to you as well. These flirtatious actions include your conversation, body language, and/or physical contact.

Flirting is not my game before, when I was happily married, I never flirt with anyone, cos I know it will become very messy towards the end.

But now, I flirt a lot, especially when I noticed men flirting with me. I know men love to flirt, it's a game they always play.

I have a girlfriend who's always a flirt since we were single, she loves it, she said it was fun, now she's married with children, and she still flirts a lot, and she said, it's only flirting since she's not breaking any rule, which is beyond flirting, ofcourse the intercourse.

But when do we stop?Well--- I started flirting with this man many moons ago, actually he flirt with me first, but the thing is, he has a girlfriend, and the worst part? I know the girl. We started flirting , the body language, then the txt, it went over the top, to the point like we exchange text messages like 20sms a day.

Until we decided to do the phonecalls. We both enjoyed each other company, oh well, only because what we're doing is forbidden.

We end up getting too attached with each other, until one day, we had sex. It was the best sex of my life so far, and he said the same thing.

We became passionate, and we were head over heels crazy for each other, until we even exchange I love you's...until our illicit affair came to open. The girlfriend found out. She went ballistic.

My reputation was ruined, now I am no longer the goody goody butter wouldn't melt blah blah.

I avoided the man, though he was dumping his girlfriend just to be with me. I said, we only knew each other for a short while, it can't be LOVE. it's just lust. but it was the sex of the century.

I can say i now moved on with my life, I joined this dating site, and I get like 40 messages a day, I put my photo on my profile, but after 4 days I decided to delete it, it's not for me, too many players, I can't handle, but I met quite a few, and gave them my email address, we still exchange email and we do the occasional flirting, men love it, and likewise..

I play their game as long as I know my limits... (Do not involve the heart!!!)

Marriage, sex, infidelity.

I was up pretty late last night, chatting with people I don't even know on "Twitter" flirting and bullshiting each other. Quite enjoy it,I must say.

Then I watched this movie on the telly , it's about the story of 3 married couple, infidelity, sex etc. I thought it was very realistic, I can relate to it.

Being married is only great for the first couple of years, then you get bored! The excitement is gone. Sometimes, you have to schedule your sex with your partner, and most of the time, they're just quicky, no more passion.

I got a bit horny after watching it, I have to say, so I went to my bed and I was almost ready and look for my "bestfriend" but he was gone! Shit! where could it be? I always put it under my pillows. I searched everywhere and I couldn't find it. Damn it! I went to the kids bedroom and still couldn't find it.

I remember few years ago, when my daughter (she was only about 4 then I guess) she found my rampant bunny, and asked me what it is? I explained it's my back massage. cos I always moan about my sore back. (and I think, she believed me)

But now, they're about this age, especially my oldest, he's learning sex education at School now. The thing is, I am embarrassed to ask them about my toy. What can I say?

Hey kids, did you see my toy, that is pink and shape of a willy? This is one of those moment when women deny the fact that we masterbate too, that we play with ourselves.Some women won't admit it, but I bet, majority are doing it. Same thing as women don't watch porn films, it's like very demeaning especially if you're trying to have a good reputation, a good role model bullshit, you have to lie all the time...

One time, my friend gave me this "pleasure gel" from Ann Summers (sex shop) and it was minty. One day my son was looking for a hair gel, and found this pleasure gel in my bathroom, he took it and asked me if he can have some, I panicked and grab it from him, and told him, it's for adults only, and that' he will get some allergies if he ever use that.

This is the most difficult part, when you have children, I do not want them to think that I am a bad mum. I am a good mother, but as a human being I enjoy sex. I admit, I love it, and when I do it? I do it properly. I hate quickies. I love foreplays, and I can say, I am a giver.

I'd better go and look for my bestfriend again.